Playmate Wars: Blonde vs. Non-Blonde!

The question has been raised, the gauntlet has been thrown down, and we must now answer the eternal question that mankind has been seeking answers for since the dawn of civilization: Are blonde playmates better than non-blonde playmates?

(Please note: according to Clear Thinker Standards civilization began when Playboy was founded)

The statistics are staggering. I don't actually have them, but I'm sure if I did they would be staggering. Since I have absolutely know hard evidence (that wasn't meant to be a pun) whatsoever to support either assertion, we're going to base our argument off of purely non-scientific and arbitrary reasoning. It's the Blogger way!
Here is our point by point assesment:
1. Marilyn Monroe: Need I say more? This classy lady went well before her time, but also left us with an image of beauty and grace that was never ravaged by the violence of time. The original playmate, Marilyn left her mark on society like no other actress has done since. Advantage: Blonde
2. Hair Color: and by that I mean, coloring one's hair to meet the blonde standard. How often do you see a blonde color her hair brown? Clearly, there must be something intangibly beneficial about being blonde. Is it confidence? Is it looks? Is it just because guys won't ask you tough questions? Advantage: Blonde
3. Hot for Teacher: Guys love the girl dressed in the authority figure outfits. Whether it is teachers, librarians, or business professionals, guys dig women that have the smart look going for them. When's the last time you saw a hot blonde librarian? Let me answer: NEVER. Can anyone argue this point? I don't think so. Advantage: Non-Blonde

God I love women in ties. Wait, where were we?

4. PMOY Carmella Decesare (pictured): This lovely brunette is definitely Hot. Notice: Capital "H" for Hot. In a room with Carmella on the left and Dalene on the right, I would have to wake up because I would clearly be dreaming. So, since Marilyn won points for the blondes, we're giving the non-blondes a point for Carmella. Advantage: Non-Blonde
5. Mrs. Clear Thinker: Blonde. Advantage: Clear Thinker

There you have it folks: in the war to detemine blonde vs. non-blonde playmate supremacy you have two winners: Hugh Hefner and myself!

What, you expected me to actually say whether one hair color is better than the other? Beauty is so much more just hair color or even looks. (Warning: after-school special moment coming soon.) Being "hot" and being "beautiful" are two seperate and distinct things. Playmates are hot. Your wife is beautiful. Your baby daughter is beautiful.

Being beautiful is special and more fulfilling than being hot.

Wow. That got serious real quick. Seacrest out!